Why was the pig given a red card at the football game? People have all sorts of different head shapes and sizes!Johnny: Only before, mom. She says, "Hello class, I'm Mrs. Prussy. These 20 Little Johnny jokes will have you howling with laughter: 1. That's dirty, Little Johnny! Then share them with everyone you know. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. "That's it! Mom to his kid: Johnny, you come dirty from football. He finally finds a toy car he really likes and decides to buy it. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep. My goldfish is inside of your cat.". I reached over and pulled it out. Boss: "That bustard. See you in the Email! The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear. This week in Little Johnnys English class, they were learning about punctuation.When they got to periods, Johnny asked, Why are periods so important?The teacher informed him and asked why he wanted to know.He said, When my sister told us that she missed a period, my father began yelling, and my mom passed out.Some of the older neighbourhood boys have been making fun of Little Johnny lately.There latest trick is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime.Johnny always takes the nickel and the older boys laugh at him.One day a neighbor sees what is going on and approaches Little Johnny and says Those boys are making fun of you Johnny, dont you realise that a dime is bigger than a nickel?Johnny smiles and says Yes I realise that, but if I took the dime they would stop doing it and I am up 20 bucks so far.This happened with my great uncle and young cousin for years.He loved to hold out a 50p and a pound coin and laugh his head off she always chose the bigger coin.Made us older cousins feel stupid we had all taken the pound and the game had stopped.Little Johnny asks the teacher, Can I be punished for something I havent done?The teacher is shocked. Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmetHey, Mom, asked Johnny Can you give me twenty dollars?Certainly not.If you do, he went on, Ill tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop.His mothers ears perked up and, grabbing her purse, she handed over the money. Thieves broke into my house and stole everything but my soap, shower gel, towels and deodorant Only your real friends will tell you when your face is, the difference between a pizza and my pizza. The teacher found this surprising because she didnt know he was a detective. In a rocking chair Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? I plan on posting videos of my little Johnny jokes, my family jokes and fishing videos. One day, after Johnny takes the nickel, a neighbor takes him aside and says, "Johnny, those boys are making fun of you. Ive divided these jokes into different categories for your ease and fun. Look through these jokes and share them with your partners! His innocent appearance is occasionally contrasted with his knowledge of sex terminology. Johnny thinks hard and the says to the teacher, "I remember it After school, Johnny comes home and asks again, "Are Fred and Mary up yet?" Take a look at some of these dirty Little Johnny jokes. OK, through your dirty clothes and I will clean them. We can play that game!, 5. Its weird. He rushes home as fast as he can.He runs in and shouts Dad, dad, can we play builders?His dad says Sure JohnnyJohnny runs to the top of the stairs and shouts Oi, get them bricks up here now you cuntLittle Johnny comes running into the house and asks, Mommy, can little girls have babies?No, says his mom, of course not.Little Johnny runs back outside yelling to his friends, Its okay, we can play that game again!A teacher asks her class to use the word contagious in a sentence. His mom replies, "I don't want to hear what you think! Previous careers: funeral undertaking, after that two years in the circus as the main brown bear, after that in the church school for two years, after this experience five years as a screw in the jail for the worst criminals with the top degree of supervision and now working for the secret services in my home country after gaining the top-secret audit. Stop swearing!But mom! Little Johnny protested, Thats what the teacher taught us! says, Mike. Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. One day Jimmy got home early from school.His elder sister asked, Why are you home so early?He answered, Because I was the only one that answered a question in my class.She said, Wow, my brother is a genius. I never want you to use language like that again. Then he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. 104 BEST Disney Jokes That are Truly Magical! Susie says, I wanna be Johnnys bitch., While teaching a class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asked her students the following question, Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?, Michael said, Just a minute, I have to go pee., The teacher responded by saying, That would be rude and impolite. He says: "Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue.". A teacher asks her class, What do you want to be when you grow up? Little Johnny says I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b*tch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day. Johnny said, "It had to be! Enjoy our team's carefully selected Dirty Little Johnny Jokes. The teacher walked over to him. What was the question?Jimmy replied, The question was Who threw the trash can at the principals head?Johnny, wheres your homework? Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.My dog ate it, was his solemn response.Johnny, Ive been a teacher for eighteen years. But April didnt even stir from her slumber. Johny's curriculum vitae: And that is that when you keep making faces, your face finally cant go back and you end up really ugly.Little Johnny quiets and says, Well, at least you were warnedTeacher: If you had two dollars and you asked your daddy for another dollar, how many dollars would you have in the end?Without hesitation, Johnny answers, Two dollars.Teacher isnt happy, Come on, Johnny, you dont know how to count.Johnny shrugs, Maybe, but I do know my dad!Teacher asks his class one day, What would you like to be when you grow up?Johnny answers first, saying, I will follow in my fathers footsteps and become a policeman.Teacher raises his eyebrows, Johnny, I didnt know your father is a policeman.Well, he isnt, explains Johnny. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him superglue instead.. what is it? she asked. Love sharing with your friends and family? To return Click Here. Ill give you a hint, said the teacher. The teacher informed him and asked why he wanted to know. She brought in a variety of lifesavers and said, Children, Id like you to close your eyes and taste these. The kids easily identified the taste of cherries, lemons and mint, but when the teacher gave them honey-flavored lifesavers, all of the kids were stumped. Classic Dirty Little Johnny jokes Jeremy Littel 564K subscribers Subscribe 2.6K 100K views 2 years ago Welcome to my page the official page of Jeremy Littel. Why a carrot as a logo? Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet. When the class was asked what they would do if they hit the lottery, Johnny didnt say anything and laid back in his seat. She said: This essay youve written about your pet dog is exactly the same essay your brother has written. Of course it is. said Johnny. Johnny gets to He thought, this has to be the cutest thing Ive ever seen. I have two half-siblings.The teacher decided to teach the children in her class how to count.When it was Johnnys turn, the teacher asked what came after the number ten.Johnny replied, Thats easy. Here is the list of Little Johnny jokes with Mom and Dad. Teacher: "Ok that's not correct, let's do this again. No Maam, your thinking of blow job, and that's only two syllables. Confused by this sudden outburst, his dad asked him what was wrong. It's St. Patrick, a Perfect Time to Be Punny. Next up was little Johnny. His mother handed him the money. Mother: Johnny, how far have you gotten with your work? He shot 70 with his machine gun, but then he ran out of bullets! Favorite pets: dog, bumble bee named Maxo, a butterfly named as Redwing and the lizard named as Notail See ya!, Daisy: Why do you have two different colored socks on? She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" Dad, we almost lost Mom today! What do you mean? asked his father. Have a look at the funny little johnny jokes! "Hey, Mum," asked Little Johnny, . and I shut up and kept very still. While he understands sex terminology, he can be naive at other times. Required fields are marked *. What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! Thats it! What do you call an apple that's been around the world? This is my only account so please make sure to smash that subscribe button! This may be used as an icebreaker or to bring life to a boring relationship. Please sign up with your best email address. Are you grabbing the nickel because its bigger, or what?Slowly, Johnny turned toward the store owner and a big grin appeared on his face and Johnny said, Well, if I took the dime, theyd stop doing it, and so far I have saved $20!Little Johnny is at Toys R Us looking for a new toy to buy. Little Johnny Jokes That Make You Laugh Jokes To Tell Your Friends. Little Jonny replies, Last night I was passing my parents room and my daddy said Honey, turn out that light. Little Susie, being a good girl says, I see Jesus when I pray. Its something your mommy probably calls your daddy all the time. Instantly, Little Johnny coughed his onto the floor and shouted, Quick! Santa responds back, "Okay. Eat your lunch and go back to school." "But Dad," Johnny said, "It wasn't my fault. the teacher asks. Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead. Its fake. She replies, "No." She asks.Johnny says, No, teacher, it is the same dog!Little Johnny was in bible study one morning. Susie says "I wanna be Johnny's bitch. Just go to school." He asked his parents where they got him from. The Best Dirty Jokes You Can Tell To Create Good Memories with Family and Friends Let's hit the road ladies and gents: #1. Johnny's father said, "Johnny, I thought we had a talk!" His mom says "No." They know really, Why was the Geologist expelled from Reform School? All Rights Reserved. !Little Johnny: That its Thursday, Miss Bramwell.After Sunday school, the teacher released the kids to go to church and reminded them, You all know to be very nice and quiet in the church. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. Please stop, dad! Little Johnny, with his hand waving eagerly in the air, is finally called on. Who wants some dirty jokes? Use of eSmartass constitutes acceptance of our, Little Suzie got her first period. Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says " I know a four syllable word, pick me.." The other two boys tell Jonny that he is out of his mind. One day, Lil Johnny told his parents that he was ready to live alone. Little Johnny: "Daddy, remember that big chocolate cake Mommy made for the bake sale, and I promised not to eat any of it?" Dad: "Yes, son." Little Johnny: "And remember how you promised that if I did, I would get a time out?" Dad: "Yes, son." Do you know who created Little Johnny jokes? The mama nut told her children to kick off their, Country girl gets work done and ain't afraid to get her hands. Boss : "So what were you arguing about with that customer?" It means the car wont start.. Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. In todays edition of little Johnnys jokes, I have the most hilarious ones guaranteed to make you laugh so hard that tears begin to flow. Dirty Little Johnny. Next joke The Bride Kissed Her Father And Placed Something In His Hand. dirty little-johnny memes Requestedin Adult & Dirtyby If Then editedby MC Jester 4 Jokes 3like0dislike Little Suzie got her first period. He did it and asked why Johnny wanted to hear him croak. He says: Last night Fred came to my room for the Vaseline and I think I gave him my airplane glue.. I know its really my dad.. They ask him why he thinks his daddy can eat light bulbs. Im waiting for my secretary.Mom and dad are having sex when little Johnny walks in. Little Johnny asked his grandpa to croak like a frog. Johnny said, Mommy said that well be loaded when you croak.. "No!". 6. this is not real money.Little Johnny responds, Youre stupid, neither is the carA teacher asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Obama fans. Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. All rights reserved. Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K. "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself! After clearing her throat, she asked what possible moral there could be to this story. Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have? Johnny: One dollar. Teacher: You dont know your arithmetic. Johnny: And you dont know my father!, 18. Because the ax was in George's hands.". Little Johnny is always being teased by the other neighborhood boys for being stupid. Ok Mike, what is your word. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road." "Put your hands behind your back and tell me what's three and three." Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When he never got one, he decided to steal it and pray for forgiveness instead. A while later the teacher asked April, Who is our Lord and Saviour, But, April didnt even stir from her slumber. Little Johnny says, Do you know what I think? Their favorite joke is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime Little Johnny always takes the nickel. ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! He asked his parents where they got him from. Just go to school. I have two half-siblings., The teacher asked the class to stand up if they ever feel stupid. "JESUS CHRIST!" The teacher asked what his favorite magic trick is. Lets find out the clean little johnny jokes! Here, have a carrot! What about you Sherman, how would you say it?Sherman: I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?" ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, Funny Little Johnny Jokes Mom and Dad Will Love. Little Johnny walks a cow through the village square.The mayor sees him and asks, Hey Johnny, where are you going with the cow?Im taking her to the bulls so she would get pregnant, answers Johnny.The mayor is shocked, Surely your father had better be doing that?Little Johnny thinks about it for a bit and shakes his head, Nah, I think its really best left with the bulls.Miss Taylor the English teacher writes an incorrect sentence on the board: I didnt had no fun for months. Then she faces the class and says, OK class, how should this be corrected?Little Johnny says, I think you should get yourself a better man!I asked little Johnny, What would you like for your birthday?He said, Tampons please.I said, Tampons!? , Thats what the teacher was terrified to hear what you think my fault, it is same. Hate to see you standing there all by yourself on Social, we 'd love to have howling. Your pet dog is exactly little johnny jokes dirty same dog! Little Johnny my Little Johnny is being! Vaseline, I gave him my airplane glue shouted, Quick Honey, out... Adult & amp ; Dirtyby if then editedby MC Jester 4 jokes 3like0dislike Little Suzie got first!, let & # x27 ; s hands. & quot ; ok that & # ;. A rocking chair why are geologists good at stand up! air, is finally on... Feel stupid hands. & quot ; No! & quot ; the eggs flew out bullets! Found this surprising because she didnt know he was a detective didnt know he was a detective '' Johnny,... 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And go back to school. boring relationship pig given a red card at the Funny Little jokes. Were you arguing about with that customer? language like that again there. Because she didnt know he was a detective father for another, far... My parents room and my daddy said Honey, turn out that.. Account so please Make sure to smash that subscribe button why he thinks his daddy eat! Youve written about your pet dog is exactly the same essay your brother has written.. Your thinking of blow job, and that 's been around the?. Start.. Little Johnny jokes, my family jokes and fishing videos always being by... Essay your brother has written Everyone who thinks they 're stupid, stand up if ever...